were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
