I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
