just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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