I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
