Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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