I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
