Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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