Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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