that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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