Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
