if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
