You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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