don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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