Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
