my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just pee around me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
