we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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