she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
