lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
