I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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