i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found your dick twin last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
