you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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