Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
