Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
