Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
