i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
