If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
