I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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