so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
