My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
