apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
