I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
