is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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