I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
