I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
