Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
