so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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