It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
