omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
