Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
