there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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