I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
