tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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