Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
