I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
