I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
