True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
