I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
