i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
