Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
