Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
