you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i believe in u and ur pee
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
