Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
