her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
